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kaisoumods) wrote2023-10-03 04:52 pm
past regains
Secret Log: PurgatoryCongrats on your untimely death! After you die, you will awaken in a very drab waiting room. The only other people in the waiting area seems to be the others who also died back at the cabin. On the wall, there is a sign that reads: Welcome to Purgatory! Please take a number and wait while your soul is processed for its next destination. Thank you. Sure enough, under the sign there is one of those old number ticket machines.
From there, there is nothing to do but... wait! There are plenty of old chairs to sit in (some are even comfortable), along with stacks of magazines that are all discontinued. If you get hungry, there is a cabinet and fridge that is full of various discontinued snacks and drinks. Fancy yourself a New Coke or Pepsi Blue?
Finally, there is an old fashioned tv and antennae. You can use this either to watch some cancelled shows or watch a feed of what's going on back at the cabin. You'll have to deal with adjusting the antenna regularly and bad reception though.
That's about it for purgatory though! Enjoy your stay.
[OOC: This is the log for all the characters that die during the October Horror plot! It's up to you if your character is still affected by the roles given to them by the plot. Please do not discuss or link this log anywhere outside the Purgatory chat until October 15th. After October 15th, this log will be shown to everyone else. ]
day 4 onward
Instead in the second time since July, he awoke somewhere he didn't recognize. For a moment anyway since this was clearly Purgatory or so the sign said. Kind of on the nose wasn't it?
Not the Throne of Heroes because if he were there he wouldn't have manifested like he just walked through a house on fire and rolled in dirt with a number ticket and the face of a man who knew damn well he fucked up.]
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[At some point in that sentence, Waver had started to get up from where he was sitting in indignation, immediately almost falling over. Grinding his teeth past pain and annoyance, he started over:]
What are you doing here.
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He could explain himself. Whether or not it'd be enough, though.]
After you... [Died. He forced the tinge of pain down.] More of them came for us. More than we could manage with what few shots we had left. I paved the way for Ritsuka and Edward to escape by detonating the explosives we found in the mines.
There was no other way.
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[Unfortunately, it was hard to be quite as angry when Diarmuid clearly already knew he'd fucked up. Harder still knowing Ritsuka and Edward had escaped and therefore he'd done exactly what Waver asked of him.]
...god damn it. I wanted you to survive, damn you, this isn't fucking fair.
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But I never wanted you to die in my place either.
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[Waver scowled, sitting back down rather than risk collapsing.]
...I've barely been able to walk for a day and a half at least. I was just going to slow everyone down, and if you died there then all of us would have. Secondly, you don't honestly think I was going to just let that happen, do you? I'd rather die than see that again.
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I understand the necessity of hard choices as much as you do. I'm well aware of what needed to be done. That does not change the fact that I never wanted to witness you die myself. [He knew he had no right to say it, but Waver knew how much it hurt to watch a loved one fade away in his arms.]
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[really, we're just doing this in front of god and everyone?]
I was gone for a grand total of ten minutes, we should probably count ourselves lucky this might not stick.
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Even if we find some way to return to the city, I thought I lost you forever. Even if it was your decision to make I failed to keep you safe and that is my sin to bear. And I will not listen to you speak of it as it can be brushed off like nothing.
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[He snapped that without thinking, anger flaring back up alongside the stress and fear he'd refused to acknowledge. Completely forgetting, of course, that anyone else was even present. Shaking with fury, nerves, pain and a thousand other things, he focused solely on Diarmuid.]
You didn't fail a goddamn thing, none of us were thinking straight and it's no one's damn fault. I'm right here and there's nothing either of us can do about what's already happened, so dwelling on it more than necessary is only going to drive you completely insane.
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[Even now they weren't thinking rationally. Free from whatever roles they were designated, they were still at two emotional boiling points standing face to face.]
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[He wasn't ungrateful, honestly. He'd always, always been grateful that Diarmuid had saved him--undeserving as he felt. Guilty as he felt for surviving. But that didn't change the hole that was torn in his chest that night. It didn't change the horrible, endless emptiness that had lived in his chest for so long.]
[It didn't change how that pain turned to anger; at himself, at the Holy Grail, at the Spirit Gate, at his own weakness and uselessness, at everything but Diarmuid himself.]
I know...I know living with that feeling is worse than hell, but I couldn't just let you die, I'm not that fucking salmon-scented son of a bitch!
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[One word that cut sharp, cold as ice. But at the edge of it, it was just habit that made it come out at all.
Because deep in his heart he would feel less like he was saddled with his biggest failure of he saw Fionn mac Cumhaill die at the hands of a monster. He would feel less like his heart was torn from his chest by rabid and vengeful claws.
In time he would consider the gravity of this thought. All there was now was high running emotion.]
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[Waver knew it was a mistake the second the words left his mouth, and it showed on his face. He knew already that was a topic neither of them were prepared to approach, not yet. He'd said it without thinking, let the bitterness he was careful to hide around Diarmuid show itself for just an instant and was rightfully shut down.]
[...Later, he'd be proud of the knight for that much. In another lifetime, he doubted Lancer would have had the nerve to stop his Master like that.]
You're right--that was uncalled for. I apologize, and it won't happen again. [He took a slow breath to collect himself, pressing a hand to his face and pushing loose hair out of his eyes.]
What the hell are we doing, Diarmuid? [Why were they lashing out at each other like this? What was the point, when both of them were ultimately in agreement: 'that was the worst feeling imagianble and it shold never have happened'?]
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[Diarmuid let the both of them stay silent for a moment. The apology, while Diarmuid knew it was genuine, hung so heavy in the air. Not the fact that it was needed, Waver was quick to admit his wrongdoing most of the time, but because of the reaction that warranted it.]
It's alright. [He gave an acknowledging nod, wanting to retreat from that line of thought as quickly as possible. He felt exhaustion creep up on him and just pulled a chair to sit next to Waver and running a hand down his own face as if that would quell it.]
Allowing ourselves to get out of hand. [Clearly. They were of the same mind. It's just when tempers alight it's shown in the worst way.]
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[That concession was the best he could do; Diarmuid of all people understood there could be no apology for what wasn't regretted, only for what was. As he spoke he simply offered his hand to the man beside him, to take or not if he chose.]
...thanks for looking out for those two. You did well, and if either of them shows up after us I'm going to hand you my cane and ask you to hit them.
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It was as paper blown away in the wind compared to his true feelings. He did not regret it one bit. He didn't regret what he said or did. He didn't regret telling Waver to back off when he overstepped. The worst thing he did was handle it less than ideally.
Any other circumstances a quip like that would be met with a bit of a laugh. Right now he was too tired for that, even if it was a little amusing. There was a weak huff as if to make the attempt anyway.]
With luck I won't need to. And we will see the two of them on the other side.
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[Said hanging his head, some sense of shame lingering from the promise he broke.
He set a hand on Waver's injured leg where he sat. Just to remind himself that they were both alive in some fashion. Any body warmth he'll take even from inflamed nerves of a damaged limb. Warmth meant life.]
Thank you. [For saving him. Even if it didn't last.]
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[...He really didn't want to think about that right now. If Waver let himself dwell on how absolutely terrified he actually was to know he was about to die, it would invalidate the reason he'd done it at all. Frightened or not, there was no reason to regret the action. He'd die a hundred times over if it meant sparing Diarmuid, or anyone else he cared for if that was what it took.]
[The real trick was trying to stop his hands from shaking as he took Diarmuid's in his own, squeezing gently to reassure them both.]
...I understand now. There were days I wished you hadn't protected me back then, but...you really couldn't do anything else, could you?
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He, too, was a Knight of Fianna after all. So Diarmuid said nothing more on the matter.]
Do what you believe is right.
[They could both stand to borrow one another's strength right now so he gave Waver's hand a squeeze of his own to stop the shaking before it began.]
What I believed was right that day... was seeing that you saw the day after. It was the only option.
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[Waver's voice cracked, and he swallowed hard against what felt like broken glass in his throat.]
I couldn't bear that again, Diarmuid. Losing you twice would have killed me anyway.
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You are the best chance for everyone's future.
Diarmuid did before the clash of two world ending Noble Phantasms. Waver did in the seconds before the monster struck.
It was hearing his voice shatter that Diarmuid felt the remorse harder than ever for his failure.]
It had to be done... but forgive me for not keeping my promise to you. [For wasting your sacrifice, he did not say.]
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...I left you first. So you don't...have anything to apologize for. As long as somebody made it out of this mess, then none of it was meaningless and we did at least one thing right.