[Husk exhales, low and grumbly. He should just turn his phone off off. Walk away. This ain't his problem. He doesn't need to make it his problem. He doesn't need to give a shit about any of this.
And yet.]
Okay. Fine, here we fuckin' go. I need to you turn your ears into the listening position, and I need you to try and retain at least some of what I'm gonna fuckin' explain to you here, okay? Okay.
[He's wandering off into his kitchen, bottles clinking on the feed as he finds whatever he hasn't drunk already, so he can sit down and have this conversation at all.]
You got every right to be really fuckin' angry about what she did to your boy. You even got a right to be angry about how they handled it, because they're dicks and that's how they roll. You're still relatively new here, and you joined 'bout as willingly as the rest of us, but I'm sure you've picked up by now that our bosses are fuckin' unhinged.
[He pops the lid off a bottle and takes a deep swig, grateful for the sharpness of the whiskey inside- it's going to make what he has to say next somewhat bearable.]
'Bout fifteen years ago, I was pretty high up in this fuckin' circus. I mentored this kid... Marlon. When he was eighteen, they decided he was ready to go on his first solo mission. I thought he was ready too, but it turns out they either didn't plan it right or willingly sent him into a fuckin' deathtrap because he did not survive that.
[He sucks in a deep breath, pushes onwards.]
I did what you did. Fucking screamed and railed against the fuckers every chance I got for letting someone I cared about fuckin' die and not give a shit about it. You know what it got me? Demotion after goddamn demotion and promises that I was gonna get myself Sealed if I kept it up. I didn't give a fuck and just kept being a goddamn thorn in their sides. Until they sent me Lapis. And then they finally had something they knew I loved more than I hated them. And they were not afraid to use her to keep me in fuckin' line.
[He finishes off his bottle, starts searching for a new one. ]
So when I tell you that you need to keep a fuckin' lid on it, I'm speaking from experience- because you might not be afraid of what they can do to you, but try and think what they can do to him- because I promise you, they fuckin' can and they will. He might not survive the next time.
[He finds another bottle, starts on that. ]
Now here's the not shit part. We're all in this exact same shit sandwich. Ain't none of us wanna fuckin' be here and all of us are leashed by those dicks one way or another. Point is, you're gonna have to find a way to survive being a Guardian - gotta find a way to endure this bullshit without flying off the handle and risking more than you're willing to lose. But you don't gotta do that alone. So, how about instead of throwing a goddamn fit every single time the Order open their mouths, you come talk to us? Fuck, come talk to me if you want to, despite popular opinion, I'm actually a good fuckin' listener.
...Or, y'know, I can just keep fuckin' spraying at you every single time you start screaming. But I reckon the first option is probably goddamn better. Idiot.
private forever
And yet.]
Okay. Fine, here we fuckin' go. I need to you turn your ears into the listening position, and I need you to try and retain at least some of what I'm gonna fuckin' explain to you here, okay? Okay.
[He's wandering off into his kitchen, bottles clinking on the feed as he finds whatever he hasn't drunk already, so he can sit down and have this conversation at all.]
You got every right to be really fuckin' angry about what she did to your boy. You even got a right to be angry about how they handled it, because they're dicks and that's how they roll. You're still relatively new here, and you joined 'bout as willingly as the rest of us, but I'm sure you've picked up by now that our bosses are fuckin' unhinged.
[He pops the lid off a bottle and takes a deep swig, grateful for the sharpness of the whiskey inside- it's going to make what he has to say next somewhat bearable.]
'Bout fifteen years ago, I was pretty high up in this fuckin' circus. I mentored this kid... Marlon. When he was eighteen, they decided he was ready to go on his first solo mission. I thought he was ready too, but it turns out they either didn't plan it right or willingly sent him into a fuckin' deathtrap because he did not survive that.
[He sucks in a deep breath, pushes onwards.]
I did what you did. Fucking screamed and railed against the fuckers every chance I got for letting someone I cared about fuckin' die and not give a shit about it. You know what it got me? Demotion after goddamn demotion and promises that I was gonna get myself Sealed if I kept it up. I didn't give a fuck and just kept being a goddamn thorn in their sides. Until they sent me Lapis. And then they finally had something they knew I loved more than I hated them. And they were not afraid to use her to keep me in fuckin' line.
[He finishes off his bottle, starts searching for a new one. ]
So when I tell you that you need to keep a fuckin' lid on it, I'm speaking from experience- because you might not be afraid of what they can do to you, but try and think what they can do to him- because I promise you, they fuckin' can and they will. He might not survive the next time.
[He finds another bottle, starts on that. ]
Now here's the not shit part. We're all in this exact same shit sandwich. Ain't none of us wanna fuckin' be here and all of us are leashed by those dicks one way or another. Point is, you're gonna have to find a way to survive being a Guardian - gotta find a way to endure this bullshit without flying off the handle and risking more than you're willing to lose. But you don't gotta do that alone. So, how about instead of throwing a goddamn fit every single time the Order open their mouths, you come talk to us? Fuck, come talk to me if you want to, despite popular opinion, I'm actually a good fuckin' listener.
...Or, y'know, I can just keep fuckin' spraying at you every single time you start screaming. But I reckon the first option is probably goddamn better. Idiot.